Welcome Back to Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, 2009 Edition

Okay, now that football season is officially over—props to the Pittsburgh Steelers for winning the Super Bowl, to Plaxico Burress for capping himself in the leg through his sweatpants at a nightclub, and to the Detroit Lions for not winning at all in 2008—we can being to focus more seriously on NBA basketball.

We’re practically at the All-Star break, and so far this season has been a second act of last year’s play. The usual suspects occupy the top spots in the standings and the playoff picture at this point is a carbon copy of post-playoff ranking of a year ago.

The Lakers currently stand atop the Western Conference, 5 games above second-place, and their frontrunner status gives this journal a completely different feel from last year—one peppered with higher expectations, more determined opponents, and an intense sense of volatility, similar to watching Kanye West live and wondering what crazy things he’s gonna say or what type of heartbroken robot he going to morph into.

So, to re-introduce us all to Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, I’ve invited guest-writer and life long Lakers fan, J.K. Rowling, to write the welcome and preface for this year’s season. If you like or love the Lakers or Harry Potter, or any noun-verb combination of those words, then you’ll enjoy our first entry…..


There are whispers of a Kingdom in a land far far West, where the Sun spends her final moments of each day, before retiring to a cold, dark slumber. It is said that each night, when the Sun retreats below the horizon, warriors of Purple and Gold descend on the coastal Kingdom, riding in on waves that charge like royal stallions, to protect it from foreign

invaders. Its land is fertile and lush; its tropical weather and scenic landscape are the envy of Eden; the women, with their unrivaled beauty, grace, and finesse, are more than deserving of the myriad of monuments erected in their honor. But the purest, most complete measure of the wealth of this western Kingdom lies in the strength and valor of its warriors. Nightly they vanquish foes as fans cheer on in amazement, like Gladiators of old—these warriors of whom we speak are the Los Angeles Lakers…

With a history so rich in excellence that the very logo of professional basketball depicts a silhouette of one of its former captains, the legacy of the Los Angeles Lakers runs deeper and stronger than any order of men who’ve ever touched a basketball. Along with acres of Championship banners spanning six different decades, waving proudly in the rafters of the hallowed Staples Center are the jerseys of legendary Laker heroes from dynasties past—now forever immortalized in the Hall of Fame. This pantheon of heroes includes the all-time leading scorer, the highest-scoring single game performer ever, a man called Magic, and men appropriately named West and Worthy. Speaking volumes on the greatness of this organization is the fact that Chick Hearn, long-time broadcast commentator of the Lakers, was inducted to the Hall of Fame, merely for being the bard who sang the valiant tales of these beloved heroes.

But history is history, and we shall leave it for veterans to reminisce upon and for scholars to quarrel over. The purpose of our abridged jaunt down memory lane was to construct an idea of the lineage and pedigree embedded in the souls of the main characters in this four months’ traffic of our stage. Beginning now, and culminating with another NBA Championship in mid-June, we will follow the daily progress of the 2008-2009 Los Angeles Lakers as they, once again, attempt to fill the NBA history books with tales written in ink of Purple and Gold. Welcome aboard, friend. Our journey is about to begin…

Here's to you, Los Angeles

Well, by this point you already know...the Lakers' season has come to an end. It was a disappointing way to finish the season; I guess anything less than perfection would be a disappointment to true fans like us.

I'll still applaud Los Angeles' efforts and their adherence to their character and unique style of play. I was never surprised by how they played--neither when they shined nor when they stunk. They're the Lakers I know, and that in itself, gives me a certain welcoming comfort.

We can sit here and argue about which team is better, and who made better trades, and who has a better shot, and anything else you can think of. But hey, it's already said and done. The Lakers came two games short of winning a title, and they'll have to wait til next year for another shot.

What I'd like to do is to share with you an observation I made about fanhood. Okay, well, for a little background, I'm a Los Angeles native, who moved to New York earlier this year. I was in high school for the Lakers three-peat, in college for the emergence of Kobe, and in Korea for the reloading phase. Well, I've been hitting up the same sports bar in NYC to
catch the Lakers games this season, and I usually get a pretty good crowd of friends to join me--some of them Lakers fans, some of them just buddies of mine.

Alright, well Game 6 was a must win for Los Angeles. This was, for all intents and purposes, the most important game of the year for the Lakers. So, as per my usual, I invited all of my buddies to watch the game with me at our watering hole of choice. But unlike my usual, only a few people showed up this time.

Big up to my companion (you know who you are), M. Larson, JJ from Eagle Rock (Nicole too), and my favorite bartender. Y'all showed up and supported the cause. Thanks for pickin' up the slack when our personnel was low.


There's a difference between fellow fans and friends. Fans are great to watch a game with here and there, but when the dust settles and you're either cheering your face off or holding you face in you hands, I'd rather have my friends at my side anyday.

I've been a huge Lakers fan since I was a child. Since before Nick Van Exel was pushing officials around. This Lakers playoff blog was my first literary journey and I'm glad Los Angeles kept my experience alive so long. I'm proud of the Lakers, and I'm dedicating this blog to them, my friends, and to the readers.


Well, that's the final chapter of this volume. Another might turn up for U.S.A. Basketball and our Olympic conquest. We went undefeated last summer during FIBA Americas, and we're looking to repeat that feat for the world to see. Stay tuned.

This time around, we're gonna have to take the silk road to Olympic Gold. The Games start on 08/08/08 in Beijing; a place where Lakers Nation has already flown its flag. See below.


Lakers fans out there, hold your heads up high. We've come a long way from being bumped out of the playoffs in the first round by the Suns a year ago. We won a Western Conference Title, night after night we watched the best show on Earth, and we got to see Kobe win the MVP award. There's a lot to cheer about from this season, and next season will be another championship run.

Stay humble. Stay hungry.

Signing off for the last time in a long time,

Horus

Lakers Fend Off Boston, Stay Alive

The Lakers jumped out to another huge lead in the first half, but this time fought all the way down to the wire to win and keep their championship dream alive.

Paul Pierce tried his best to bury the Lakers, but his 38-point effort proved to be too much of a one-man show. The Lakers big 3--Kobe, Pau, and Lamar--each had over 19 points, and their free-throw shooting in crunchtime solidified the victory.

Now with the series heading back to Boston, the Lakers have their work cut out for them and history at their fingertips. Although Game 5 wasn't a blowout, Kobe and the Lakers played with a Debonair style that gave the impression that they were more comfortable and confident with their position than the frenzied Celtics. Even after Boston claimed a lead in the fourth quarter, they seemed to force more shots and committ uncharacteristically silly fouls.

Los Angeles is playing like a team determined to win; the Celtics are just trying not to lose.

More analysis later. I have a real day-job and I'm pretty busy this morning.

Laker Nation Stand Up!!!

Exclusive WBM Report: Kobe & Phil BFFs

Dear Phil,

Thank you for all of your help. You’ve provided me with so much knowledge, wisdom, and perspective. You’ve allowed me to unlock so many of my talents, and you’ve helped me cultivate them into brilliance. Lord only knows where I’d be without you.

You have touched my life in such way that cannot be communicated; only experienced. When I have a son, I’ll name him after you. Phil Megazord Genghis Bryant.

Dear Kobe,

You are my Sistine Chapel. You have returned the favor by being the most extensive project a coach has ever undertaken. You’re like a son, a pet stallion, a tornado, a lawsuit, waterfall, a dissertation, a new pair of socks, the Himalayas, a mother-in-law, and acid reflux. You are so many things to me, but most importantly, you’re my best friend.

Without you, I’d be just another successful coach. Someone like Greg Popovic, Pat Riley, or Rudy Tomjanovich. They’re great guys and they’ve won some titles, but you, my Kobe bear, allow me to transcend the coaching bridge into a zone known by only a few: Shakespeare’s English teacher, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Basil Hallward, etc.

Kobe, in addition to meditation, yoga, and Mario Kart Wii, you complete me.

Lakers Blow Big Lead. Down 3-1.

Now, I’ve played and watched a lot of basketball in my day, but never have I seen a team play so well in one half, then proceed to crap all over the court in the second.

The Lakers played brilliant basketball in the first half of Game 4, but gave up a 24 point lead to lose by 6. The 97-91 loss was the final pardon Los Angeles gets, as each game is a must-win from here on out. If the Lakers’ play in the rest of the series in any way resembles their play (or lack thereof) in Game 4, then I don’t think they’ll stand much of a chance.

But it’s not over.

If being embarrassed at home doesn’t light a fire under their asses, then I don’t know what will. They need to re-center their focus, play complete games, and play championship basketball.

Game 5 is not until Sunday night, but I’ve already been given an advance copy of Phil Jackson’s pre-game speech, unedited for the lucky readers of Werewolf Bar Mitzvah:

Phil Jackson: Guys, we have to win this game. That’s the bottom line. We’ve been a mediocre Western Conference team for three years, and this year we fought and clawed our way to the top. It wasn’t a smooth road either. We had trade rumors marinating from the end of last season well into the start of this season, and we’ve had enough injuries to set up our own M*A*S*H* tent. But regardless of the adversity, we persevered. Our journey through the playoff--

Kobe Bryant: Has anyone seen my lucky goat’s head?

Phil Jackson: --our journey through the playoffs has had its ups and downs. But we’ve been able to ride the waves and weather the storm. But gentlemen, we’re not in the playoffs anymore. This is do or die. We need to play perfect basketball starting now. We’re playing for a championship, and just keeping our head above water won’t be good enough. We can’t just drift like a piece of wood; we need to be the speedboat—

Kobe: Oh word? I got 6 of those. Holla.

Phil Jackson: We can’t have our destiny delivered to us. We need to go out there and claim it. It doesn’t hurt me to say this, so I’m just gonna throw it out there: I’ve coached much better teams than this one. Surprise surprise. I’ve also coached much better teams than the Boston Celtics. My point is that we have our strong points and we have our weak points, and so do the Celtics. We have to expose and exploit their weak points using our strong points—

Pau Gasol: Mira, coach. How will we know what our strong points are? You gonna tell us?

Phil Jackson: Our strong point is named Kobe Bryant. He wears #24. Kobe, you had a grip of assists Thursday night, even when your teammates sucked in the second half. Why the fuck do you pass the ball? I don’t want you passing the ball that much tonight.

Kobe: Okay. Sasha and Luke forgot to feed my pandas this weekend and Ling Ling got a tummy ache. I wasn’t planning on passing to them anyway.

Phil Jackson: Great. Now that we have the game plan memorized, let me tell you a little story…Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out.

Kobe: A bucket of cream? Who the hell leaves buckets of cream lying around?

Phil Jackson: You’re missing the point. I’m saying that we’ve gotten ourselves into a mess of a situation and only WE can get ourselves out. It’s gonna take a lot of effort, but we cannot accept the alternative. Team let’s get out there and win this series! One game, one team! What are we gonna do!!??!!

Kobe: Eat Spaghettios!

Lakers vs. Celtics vs. REFEREES

Once again the officiating was appalling. The refs exercised too much influence over the game and I think they penalized Boston in a way that seemed blatantly contrived.

On a day when former NBA ref, Tim Donaghy, testified that officiating crews had altered playoff games by order of NBA officials, the refs in Game 2 didn’t make a strong case for the assumed objectivity of their guild. They called so many weak fouls both ways that it really limited the intensity of both teams. Almost every time two players from opposing teams went up and fought for a rebound, it was called a foul. That just led to more stars sitting on the bench in foul trouble, and teams being in the bonus halfway through each quarter. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with those circumstances, but the glaring inconsistency of calls during the most important games of the year is marring what was supposed to be a historic series.

Now, I don’t usually make political statements in my Lakers Blog, and I’ll try not to with this post. But the lack of regulation in NBA officiating, highlighted by lop-sided high-profile games like Game 2 and last night, and by obvious missed calls like Derek Fisher’s apparent foul on Brent Barry at the end of Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals, echoes the problems of unchecked authority outside of the arena of sport. There seem to be no repercussions for law/rule enforcers who themselves act outside the rules. Police can shoot over 50 times at Sean Bell, or 41 times at Amadou Diallo (both unarmed), kill them, and still be acquitted of all charges.

A dereliction of duty in this case, as recent officiating has done more to determine the outcome of games rather than serve its purpose of maintaining the rules of them. Yes, the two are related and are going to overlap, but even a child could see who the refs were helping in these games. I don’t think NBA referees will be reprimanded for killing the spirit of the games they’re supposed to be facilitating.

The Finals would be a lot better if they were officiated in the same way as all the rest of the games. C’mon, NBA…you change the rules in the ninth inning.

Three's a Charm for Los Angeles

Lakers fans breathed a sigh of relief Tuesday night, as Los Angeles defeated Boston and stayed undefeated on their home floor in the post-season. The 87-81 victory was a testament to the will of this Lakers team and a classic win for the Kobe Bryant-led squad.

From the first possession, Kobe set the tone by driving relentlessly and repeatedly to the hoop. His aggression sometimes outpaced his concentration—jumping too high, dunking too hard, shouting too loudly at overzealous referees—but the message was clear: “We’re going to muscle our way to a win and nothing’s gonna stop us.”

The Lakers were the aggressors for most of the game, going up by as many as 11 and getting to the free throw line 34 times. They shot an embarrassing 61% from the stripe, but that was enough to slay the beast and the 4th quarter free throw shooting was vintage clutch.

Los Angeles’ defense was the foundation of the victory. The Laker D forced Boston to shoot only 35% from the field and held them to just 81 points. 81 points! Kobe Bryant can score 81 points all by himself, and that’s all that the Eastern Conference's best team could muster? Kobe was instrumental in the strong defensive effort, guarding Paul Pierce in crunchtime and holding him to 6 points all game. Pierce, who was the Celtics’ leading scorer in games 1 and 2, was helpless against KB24’s wise and constrictive defense.

Phil Jackson made some changes defensively to start the game, which proved problematic for Boston. Putting Kobe on Rajon Rondo allowed Kobe to roam freely and provide more help against the Celtics big men who dominated Game 2. It took a while for Rondo and his buddies to adjust to Phil Jackson’s new scheme, and by that time, the Lakers had opened up a sizeable lead.

The big story of the night was Kobe’s 36 points. He was literally unstoppable. Setting the tone in the first quarter with 11 points, and charging hard in the fourth quarter to slam the coffin on the Celtics, Kobe controlled the game and wrote the script the way he wanted it. Whether it was Rondo or Ray Allen guarding him, Kobe met little resistance on his ‘put the ball in the hole’ campaign. The shots he made and the opportunities he created for his teammates in the fourth were the stuff of legends. After the “Kobe Bryant Halfcourt Trap” strategy for Boston proved as prostrate as FEMA after Hurricane Katrina, Kobe made Ray Allen’s 1-on-1 defense look infantile. I’m not saying Kobe’s a god, but he made Jesus Shuttlesworth look well…worthless. Boston, if double teaming him doesn't work, don’t make it worse by taking help away; triple team him!

The Lakers went back to their conventional style of victory: Let Kobe score a grip of points and hope a few other guys step up when he’s out to lunch. I’m obviously liking this Lakers win and I’m hoping that Thursday’s Game 4 brings more of the same. I’ll keep you posted.

Stay humble, stay hungry.